She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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