The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Someone signed my nipple.
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