His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
