I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
