Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
