god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
