are you still at the devil's house?
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
