I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
