Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
no you cant smoke seaweed
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
