i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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