I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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