Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
