i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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