I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Randomize
