And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
