also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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