Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
