$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
