Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
