I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Is Oprah even human
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
