Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
