Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize