If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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