you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
