just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
