Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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