got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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