you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
