The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
