you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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