Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
