I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
