i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize