My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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