cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
