It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
