Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
