Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
