CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
