I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
