Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
