New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
