I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
