you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im six kinds of drunk right now
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
