guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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