Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
