I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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