I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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