Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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