Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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