I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
