I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
