Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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