I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
