So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
