So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize