I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have feelings that need drinking.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
