Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
