how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
